I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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