Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
