They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
