something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
