maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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