I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
