Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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