u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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