I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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