Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
