I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
