Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
