Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
