You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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