i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
What changed your mind?
Being sober
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
