i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
