life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
