Im at strip club and am horny
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
