i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
