you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
How's work?
Spinning.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
