In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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