we have pet lesbian snakes
Only a mothe r could love this liver
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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