$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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