I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
