I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
