Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
