My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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