Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
that is very illegal...i love you.
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