please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
