Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
