They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
