Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Congratulations! We have a period
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