I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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