Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
