hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
