Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
