By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
