Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
