omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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