Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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