just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
