I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
