My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
