i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Randomize
