I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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