quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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