I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
