if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
