i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
