he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
The best revenge is premature balding
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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