At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
