Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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