My friends, they love my intelligence
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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