I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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