Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Did you just see the Batmobile???
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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