FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
