halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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