My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
