i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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