Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
he laminated a picture of his dick.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
