Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize