I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
