I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize