My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
