Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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