i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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