i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
