The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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