A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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