I think my vagina is haunted
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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