How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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