whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
